How often I’ve found myself looking back upon what I’ve done, and wishing I could go back and tell myself what I know now. That things really do get better, and not all change is for the worse. That hourglass, trickling not sand, but the dust from my bones, now irrelevant. That life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away. 

I like you. I like how you bend to my eye-level when I talk so you can hear clearly. I like how you listen. I like how you tease me. I like how you chase after me when I pretend to be offended and storm away. I like how you apologize. I like your laugh. I like how you send me funny pictures when I’m in a bad mood. I like your courage. I like how you let me think that I’m funny. I like how you understand, and don’t get mad when I hang out with my guy friends. I like your jokes. I like how you play with my hair. I like your smile. I like how you talk about me to other people. I like your intelligence. I like your determination. I like how you support me, and console me whenever I feel guilty about something. I like how safe you make me feel. I like how warm your skin always is. I like your tall-person hugs. I like how our hands brush against each other when we walk. I like you, I like you a lot. And I’m terrified that it will be my downfall.

I find it incredible how quickly friendships can unravel. You meet someone, and grow so close to them that you can even consider them your best friend. They know everything about you, your dreams, your hopes, your desires, your strengths. And then suddenly your relationship, so closely interwoven, begins to loosen. And before you know it, you’re walking past each other without a second glance. Without any sign of acknowledgement or greeting. Without any indication of past events. They look right past you, see right through you, and you, them. Like strangers again.

I wish things would stop changing. I’m so tired of waking up to people who have changed, changed into people they promised they’d never become. So much that I don’t recognize them anymore. They’re all just like strangers, that I know very well. And as I sit in solitude I find myself nostalgic, full of apathy, and very, very lonely. I need something worthwhile before I lose heart.

I’m terrified of the possibility of love. I’m terrified of being vulnerable and I just hate living with the constant fear of being hurt again. It just sucks spending time on someone just to find out that they were a complete waste of it. I just need someone who will prove all my premonitions wrong.

If you don’t want people to leave, stop pushing them away. It’s as simple as that. Don’t expect someone to stay around if you make them feel like you don’t want them. Everyone gets tired of being unappreciated.

cdeeezy:

When you stop writing about someone, sometimes you just can’t help but wonder if they even realized that you were writing about them in the first place. Is it possible for one to be so blind when they are held responsible for giving you so much to write about? And if they did notice, are they a least bit curious as to why you stopped writing about them? Maybe you moved on and found some other source of inspiration or maybe you can’t find it in you to write about them anymore since you’ve come to the conclusion that they aren’t worth thinking about, not worth piecing together unspoken words from your imagination. There’s nothing left to say to them because you’ve already said it all. 

It’s okay to not be okay. It’s perfectly fine to let things weigh you down. Let yourself be sad. Let yourself cry, and listen to heartbreaking love songs, and let yourself feel the pain. Because if you just numb the pain, it hurts so much more when you finally begin to feel it. You don’t have to pretend that you’re okay all the time. What lessons would you learn from that?

(via manlimbo)

I don’t have much to say these days, no feelings I need to express. The fast-beat tempo which used to be my life has slowed into a comfortable yet monotonous lull — I find myself fading in and out of consciousness. I just miss my old friends, am getting adjusted to my new ones, and try my hardest to keep my chin up. I’m happy, at the same time, sad, and still figuring out how that could be.